Rules of Engagement – Kids

Here is an important question:

►What do we want for our kids?

* To be self-sustaining (Able to take care of themselves)

* To be emotionally healthy

* To be in relationship with God

* Know how to have healthy relationships with others

3 Connection Points

1. God

2. Yourself

3. Others


The strength of these connection points will determine the future success of your child

►Connection Point 1:

The connection between your child and God

Proverbs 22:6

6 Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old, they will not turn from it.

  • This verse is not a promise; it is a principle

God’s principles are concepts that offer general guidance, but not to be understood as absolutes in each and every situation.


Demonstration leads to replication 

* Kids copy what they see


If you want to know how to respond to something, watch your kids

* How you talk about others when they’re not around

* How to treat people when you are mad

* The language you use

If your kids don’t talk about God, it’s because you don’t talk about God


Practical Examples:

* Praying together on a daily basis 

* In the Car

* Before going to bed

* Before Meal (Don’t make it mechanical)

* Learn verses together

* Let them see you worship God in your home/car

* See you Reading your Bible

* See you praying

* Talking about prayer requests and how God answers them

* Share struggles and victories

* Share how God is working in your life

Why is this so important?


Many teenagers & young adults walk away from faith because they don’t see the value of something that their parents only pretended to believe in 

 (even if that’s not the case)


Help your children build a faith that is irresistible by having a faith that is irresistible


Proverbs 22:6

6 Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.


Demonstration leads to replication.


►Connection Point #2

The connection between your child and you


Ephesians 6:4

4 Fathers (parents), don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.


►Don’t stir up anger…

* Anger breeds rebellion

* Anger devours relationships

* Some of our mistakes are because our parents did this

Don’t create an environment that leads to constant anger and bitterness

The phrase “bring the up” means to nurture, to take great care of


Nurturing paves the way to maturity

We have the responsibility to help our children blossom into the beautiful creation that God intents them to be

As a parent, you are to display the characteristics of our heavenly father

* God has never done legitimately anything that should cause anger in his children

* To assure your child that there is a great heart of love behind all the discipline and instruction.


Practical Examples:

* Examine how you speak to your children

* Evaluate your expectations on your children

* Understanding each Childs unique needs and traits

* Apologize when wrong

* Correct Lovingly; gently, but firmly

* Keep discipline consistent. Set consistent boundaries 

* Work together with spouse/Ex

* Reevaluate discipline as your child matures

* Don’t punish your child for something that you do

* Lead by example

* Never play favorites or child against child (Wish you were more like…)

* Never Place your child between you and your spouse/Ex

* Help you child understand their role and responsibility in the family

* They are not the center of the universe

* Learn to have hard conversations with love and trust

* Work to build and maintain trust as they get older


Nurturing paves the way to maturity


►Connection Point #3

The connection between your child and others


Psalm 119:63

63 I choose as my friends everyone who worships you and follows your teachings.


Must help our child understand that their relationships with others will determine their future success

They need to know the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships

* Godly vs unGodly

This is really important. This verse is saying…


Relationships influence the quality and direction of your life


Some of your greatest hurts and mistakes came from choosing poor friends, dates, mentors, wrong experts, etc…


* Friendship

* Dating relationships

* Working relationships

* Mentor relationships

* Family relationships


Practical Examples:

* Encourage healthy friendships and relationships

* Teach them to seek out mentors

* Place them in community with those who care about their well being

* Teach them to be loving, but discerning (having or showing good judgment)

Matthew 10:16

16 “Look, I’m sending you out like sheep among wolves. 

Therefore be as shrewd as serpents and as innocent as doves.

* Demonstrate healthy relationships in your life

* Openly share your experiences, both good and bad

* Demonstrate how to forgive

* Demonstrate how to live at peace

* Demonstrate how to disagree in love 

* Teach them how God view others

* Demonstrate what loving your enemies looks like by loving your enemies


Relationships influence the quality and direction of your life


What do we want for our kids?

* To have a relationship with God

* To have a good relationship with us

* To have healthy relationships with others

That is putting our child on their best path to success

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