A few things about today…
1: PG 15
2: Whatever is said is NOT to CONDEM but to…
- HELP UNDERSTANDING
- CORRECT THINKING
- GIVE WISDOM
As Jesus said…
John 8:32
32 You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
God’s truth sets us free from…
- Sin
- Bondage
- Brokenness
- Lies
3: Today will not specifically be a HOWTO, but a HOW TO UNDERSTAND
- It will be a different than normal sermon
- If you are new, just be aware…
Today, we’re talking about DATING and MARRIAGE
- Many in this phase
- Not just about one or the other, but BOTH
A culture’s understanding of marriage shapes its thoughts on dating
Let’s begin with the problem
Marriage in our culture is in CRISIS
Current Stats:
- Divorce rate is at 50%, Double what it was in 1960
- in 1970, almost. 90% of all births were to married parents, now less than 60%
- In 1960, about 75% of all U.S. Adults were married, today just about 50%
- In 1960, Cohabitation was almost nonexistent. Today, 25% of women live with unmarried partners, and it’s estimated that at least 50% of all unmarried women will live with an unmarried partner by age 40.
With these changes come ATTITUDE CHANGES
- Or beliefs
- Specifically 3
3 modern beliefs about marriage in young adults:
1: Most marriages are unhappy
- If 50% of marriages end in divorce, then the rest can be happy
2: The key to marriage is finding a COMPATIBLE MATE
- Studies show this to be at an all-time high
- Now, how it was in the past
- Meaning “Someone I don’t need to change much or will force me to change much.”
- Having trouble finding it
3: That cohabitation and sex will help find this compatible person
When did this CHANGE IN ATTITUDE happen?
The Sexual Revolution
- 1960s-1970s
The sexual revolution drastically altered societal attitudes toward marriage, family, sex, and personal fulfillment.
2 Specific things happened during this time
1. Introduction of the birth control pill and the freeing of modern women from the fear of motherhood
- Freeing the women from the home
- Careers can be had, and families can be planned
2. A change in belief from “sex as sacred” to “sex as a social interaction”
- Just like shaking hands or playing tennis
- A commodity
– Porn is just entertainment
– Etc…
The Sexual revolution came with some “Promises”
- Liberation
- Women from the home
- Sex
- Acceptance of those outside societal norms
- More Happiness because anyone can pressure their own version of happiness
>>But while the promise of liberation has come true, the promise of happiness has not
- I don’t want just to SAY that; let me SHOW YOU
- Stats from government-funded long-term studies
Overall Happiness in Men and Women
We are NOT more happy now than in the OPPRESSED past…
We said there were 3 modern assumptions about dating and marriage
- Most marriages are unhappy
- The key to marriage is finding a COMPATIBLE MATE
- That cohabitation and sex will help find this compatible person
Let’s look and see what the data says…
Married Women vs Unmarried in Total Happiness
Married Men vs Unmarried in total happiness
So, we can say that this first ASSUMPTION is INCORRECT
These results parallel other recent research from the University of Chicago indicating that for both men and women, marriage is “the most important differentiator” of who is happy in America. Meanwhile, falling marriage rates are a chief reason why happiness has declined nationally, according to that same study. The research found an astounding 30-percentage-point happiness gap between married and unmarried Americans. ~ Institute for Family Studies
Let’s look at the other two assumptions…
2: The key to marriage is finding a COMPATIBLE MATE
3: That cohabitation and sex will help find this compatible person
Increase in Cohabitation since the sexual revolution
Studies show:
Marriages of those who moved in together before being engaged were 48% more likely to end than the marriages of those who only cohabited after being engaged or already married. ~ Institute for Family Studies
A well-known feminist author talks about the problem this way…
The task for practically minded feminists, then, is to deter men from cad mode. Our current sexual culture does not do that, but it could. In order to change the incentive structure, we would need a technology that discourages short-termism in male sexual behavior, protects the economic interests of mothers, and creates a stable environment for the raising of children. And we do already have such a technology, even if it is old, clunky and prone to periodic failure. It’s called monogamous marriage. ~ Louise Perry
So cohabitation is NOT a true solution to finding a good mate…
What about the SEX component?
- Finding someone you are compatible with
What do the studies say?
Does sex with more people make you more likely to be happy in marriage?
No, it does not
What does “Trying to find a compatible sexual partner lead to?”
Does NOT make it MORE LIKELY that you will have a good marriage
I will conclude this part with this…
So, if you want to be more:
- Happy
- Sexually Fulfilled
- Healthy
- Wealthy
Be married and MAKE IT WORK!
What does this all mean, and WHY?
- First, It means
1: Marriage is made by God for OUR GOOD
Genesis 2:18
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper corresponding to him.”
God has created marriage for our benefit
Strong Marriages build strong Families
Strong families build strong societies
- Our society is broken because the family is in crisis
Everyone thinks that they are the EXCEPTION
- The rules don’t apply
- This is not true
When you choose “YOURSELF” over YOUR SPOUSE
- You are going against God’s design
Marriage is God’s way of refining you to be MORE LIKE JESUS
- Sacrificial
- Loving
- Others focused
2: Dating is an exercise in discernment and personal discipline
- Saying no to the wrong things and yes to the right things
Romans 12:1-2
1 Therefore, brothers and sisters, in view of the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your true worship.[a] 2 Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.
Dating is about:
Spiritual Compatibility
2 Corinthians 6:14
14 Do not be yoked together with those who do not believe. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness?
Becoming A Healthy Person
Ephesians 4:22-24
22 to take off your former way of life, the old self that is corrupted by deceitful desires, 23 to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, 24 and to put on the new self, the one created according to God’s likeness in righteousness and purity of the truth.
3 Closing Questions:
- What assumptions about dating and marriage need to be challenged in your heart and mind?
- In what ways do you think you need to adjust your behavior in your marriage or dating life?
- What do you need to give to God?